they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
