I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
