One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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