The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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