Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
