I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
