You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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