my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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