Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
