why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
