Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
