she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
