I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
