yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
