i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
love makes seman taste better
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize