Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
