would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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