obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Even my vagina gasped.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
