Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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