hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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