I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
