I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize