so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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