my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
