An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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