I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
