I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
