How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
