i can't believe i had my finger in that
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
