I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
