That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
