I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
