So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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