Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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