it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
