I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
