i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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