so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize