Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
