If that was your dad, he is hot
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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