yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
