I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I want a musical about memes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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