Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
