i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
