I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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