I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this boner is exhausting
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
