My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
