ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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