take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize