I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
