hotel room ftw
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
