you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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