dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
