Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
