Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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