elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I need to calm my uterus...
Pants are for mortals
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