She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
