so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
