i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize