i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
