I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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