her vagina looked like bernie madoff
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
