last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
