When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A+ Viking dick
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
