I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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