I showed him my bush... on skype.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
