I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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