Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize