Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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