Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
