he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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