The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize