Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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