So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
