I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
