My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
