She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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