no, he came in my armpit
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
