im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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