dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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