Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it's great music for shaving your balls
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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