i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
