I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize