im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm passing your future prison.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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