VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
