I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
