So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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