Umm I'm too high to move.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize