He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
