you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
