Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
