Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
