with your own penis?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
