Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
