I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
